Klaus Heissler is one of the two very odd house pets that Stan has brought home from work. Doomed to live life with his brin stuck in a goldfish, Klaus was once a professional skier. Unfortunately, during the 1986 Winter Olympics, to keep Germany from winning the gold the CIA kidnapped him and transferred his brain into this fish. He now lives life in a fishbowl that no one cleans regularly or a bowl of water so he can move around. We think that Klaus has every right to act like a creep towards Stan and the family. Here are just a handful of things he has done so far.
Forced Steve To Listen To His Standup
When Klaus decided that he wanted to be a stand-up comedian he knew that he would have to fight hard to get anyone to listen to his jokes. It’s simple, Klaus just isn’t funny, the family knows it and the audience knows it. So in an effort to get his jokes heard he kidnaps Steve and forces him to listen to endless stand-up.
This goes on to the point where Steve basically goes crazy and starts to actually think Klaus’ jokes are funny.
Took Over For Dr. Penguin
When Roger had to change personas and go to war, Klaus saw it fit that he takes over for Roger and continue acting as the family therapist. Only, Klaus had his own agenda. He didn’t like that Roger encouraged the family to keep their anger, hate, and disappointment to themselves. He decided it would be great to encourage them to tell one another how they really feel. It was apparently the best way to heal. This leads the family to physical fighting, hate speech, and overwhelming chaos.
Stole Stan’s Body
We all know that once upon a time Klaus was a real man. He had a successful career as an Olympic skier and he was even married. But all this was snatched away when the CIA kidnapped him. When he gets the chance to do the same to Stan, he does. With his brain now transferred to Stan’s body, he abuses the privilege like nobodies business.
He drinks, smokes, does intravenous substances and has unprotected relations. He really screws Stan over. To top it off, he brings Stan (whose brain is now in the goldfish) to watch him ruin his body.
Tried To Have Relations With Francine (Several Times)
Since season one, Klaus has been trying to slip it to Francine in the crudest of ways. The writers truly capitalize on this fish being a foul-mouthed, wannabe homewrecker. We get that he has no loyalty to Stan but to blatantly hit on his wife in front of him and say things that honestly, we would be mortified to repeat. Klaus’ obsession becomes less and less over the seasons. But it’s hard to forget that he would do creepy things like try to touch Francine, look straight up her dress, and make some nasty advances towards her.
Kloger
Roger and Klaus meet in a meet-cute kind of way and he is super into it. They keep their relationship a secret which is part of the thrill for Klaus but eventually, Roger wants to take it public and when he does, Klaus is out. This leads Roger to become obsessed and Klaus will do just about anything to get away from him.
Even going to jail (which he does). Roger going crazy is Klaus’ fault. He should have never hooked up with Roger he knows how obsessed he gets. A lot of people get hurt in the process of Klaus trying to break free.
Tricked Roger Into Eating Francine’s Potato Salad
Sometimes Klaus just does things because he likes to cause mischief. This is the case here when he encourages Roger to eat Francine’s potato salad. This potato salad was made for Stan’s big election party. So of course, after he eats it Klaus reveals the damage he has done. Roger soon becomes a milk factory for Stan when it’s revealed he re-made the potato salad with his alien lactating milk. The episode continues with Roger being forced fed and milked regularly to feed the guests at the party. All while Klaus laughs on.
Infects Steve With Ick
The family never pays attention to Klaus. He begins to feel a lack of love that is deafening to him. He decides to trick Steve into being his best friend forever. Klaus somehow contracts Ick (probably from his bowl always being so dirty) he tricks Steve into touching him and he contracts Ick.
He has to stay home until it’s all cleared up but because he doesn’t know Klaus has Ick he keeps touching him keeping himself contaminated. When Steve does find out Klaus just moves on to Hayley which ultimately backfires in his fish face.
Klaus Stinks
There is an awful, overwhelming smell in the house which turns out to be Klaus who chalks it up to “being a fish, man”. They apparently just stink sometimes. Instead of cleaning the bowl and seeing what they can do about Klaus’ smell they put him outside where he can’t defend himself against all of nature’s creatures. As payback Klaus mails himself to the house, locks Stan, Francine, and Hayley outside to deal with the now ticked off birds, chipmunks, squirrels, etc. Don’t worry they eventually exact their own revenge.
Roger’s Right-Hand Man
In the Tearjerker stand-alone episode, Klaus becomes Roger’s assistant and helps him to wrangle all the robot celebrities on set. Even though this is a one-off episode, Klaus can’t help himself he just has to side with evil roger. He is the one making these robot celebrities but can’t figure out why milk is such kryptonite for them. He helps Roger elude Stan, keep Francine hostage, and kill all the real celebs who they are replacing with robots. All this for what? He just likes being evil. He gets what coming to him as he always does.
Stole Anne Geddes’ Work
What started out as Klaus just trying to do something for himself turns into a hate wave involving Steve and his friends. However, all of this is Klaus’ fault. After receiving a camera from his uncle, Klaus decides he wants to be a photographer like Anne Geddes. He rounds up Steve and his friends to pose for that baby in flower petals photo except as vegetables. Klaus spends a majority of the episode basically saying Anne Geddes does not own flowers and babies. Steve blabs to Geddes about Klaus stealing her work so she shows up and wreaks havoc. But Klaus always gets his revenge.
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